to turn 31
my next tattoo
the possibility of a dog
to leave for india tomorrow
and clear my head to come back refreshed and ready
even if that means
ready for more of the shit this year has already been
today it’s not doing the trick.
i’m not sure how i feel. i’m tired, i’m hungry, i feel unfocused but yesterday i felt insanely productive. i want to go kayaking but i’m worried it will enhance my awesome sunburn, so i think i’ll just wait until saturday. give that cherry red another day to fade to a lustrous pink.
i’ve been seeing a new therapist for about a month, ever since i’ve suddenly been depressed, like wildly, deeply depressed, self-isolating and not eating for a week depressed. and while some things have come to light – like that i’m severely lacking in B12, which can cause problems with the central nervous system, among other things – i’m also facing things that scare the living fuck out of me, and doing so on a regular basis.
maybe that’s why i’m having a hard time focusing on the book. that’s why i came to starbucks today. free parking, good tea, i have my new headphones… and thirty pages written that are basically my life story.
when i first started writing, it was like the words couldn’t come any faster – i was writing for three hour periods, spilling my guts and cleaning them up again, pulsing with the ideas, going through old memories, dusting off parts of my soul and throwing them against the wall to see what sticks.
but now that the honeymoon phase is over, i actually have to go back and read it again. refine. go deeper. make some kind of point or statement. not that i feel pressure to make a statement, that’s just, you know, what i want to do with this. to show people, especially late teens / early 20s, that so much of our own shit is just self-inflicted. it’s in our heads.
ironic, isn’t it.
my point is my roadblock
is my doing and un-doing.
i’m going to pack it up, find a snack, maybe take a nap in my car, try this again in an hour somewhere else. it sucks to be so dependent on needing electricity – so probably not going to end up at montrose beach – but i’ll find a quiet corner somewhere and keep on truckin.
Web Exclusive Multi colour Skull Friendship Bracelet
i would never spend $250 on any one piece of jewelry, but i really like this
put your iTunes on shuffle.
1. overall theme of the apocalypse
i want you / kings of leon
2. song playing when you kill your first zombie
three little birds / bob marley and the wailers
3. as you get chased by a horde
dirt in the ground / tom waits
4. when you have to kill your loved one
insulin / chadwick stokes
5. when you find a group of survivors
suite for cello #3 in C major / yo-yo ma
6. when you meet a new love interest
life on mars? / seu jorge
7. when you have to make a final stand
big black hole & the little baby star / sean hayes
8. when you think you’ve survived it all
homeward, these shoes / iron & wine
9. when you discover a bite mark on you
pick a fight / danny and the ketchups
10. song playing over the end credits
ingots / kaki king
so we grew up with neighbors who are undeniably greek – and love it, and keep it a part of their family… whereas we are vaguely italian and not sure where in eastern europe we come from. so for me, going greek is always an adventure.
we ate lamb, cheese, more cheese, other kids of meat, pastries, and hard-boiled eggs dyed red for the blood of Christ – they have a game where you tap the head-to-butt of your egg to the person next to you, then the winner (the egg that doesn’t crack) moves forward a round until you have a table winner.
after a delicious meal and the egg game, we had spent the better part of the day together… full bellies and good company make for great afternoon naps. yay Jesus! haha