to turn 31
to feel like i’m in love again
my next tattoo
the possibility of a dog
to leave for india tomorrow and clear my head
to come back refreshed and ready
even if that means ready for more of what this year
has already been
today feels funny. lately i’ve been wandering up to a specific starbucks, where i have a favorite chair and outlet, i’ll get one cup of tea and park for, sometimes, five or six hours.
today it’s not doing the trick.
i’m not sure how i feel. i’m tired, i’m hungry, i feel unfocused but yesterday i felt insanely productive. i want to go kayaking but i’m worried it will enhance my awesome sunburn, so i think i’ll just wait until saturday. give that cherry red another day to fade to a lustrous pink.
i’ve been seeing a new therapist for about a month, ever since i’ve suddenly been depressed, like wildly, deeply depressed, self-isolating and not eating for a week depressed. and while some things have come to light – like that i’m severely lacking in B12, which can cause problems with the central nervous system, among other things – i’m also facing things that scare the living fuck out of me, and doing so on a regular basis.
maybe that’s why i’m having a hard time focusing on the book. that’s why i came to starbucks today. free parking, good tea, i have my new headphones… and thirty pages written that are basically my life story.
when i first started writing, it was like the words couldn’t come any faster – i was writing for three hour periods, spilling my guts and cleaning them up again, pulsing with the ideas, going through old memories, dusting off parts of my soul and throwing them against the wall to see what sticks.
but now that the honeymoon phase is over, i actually have to go back and read it again. refine. go deeper. make some kind of point or statement. not that i feel pressure to make a statement, that’s just, you know, what i want to do with this. to show people, especially late teens / early 20s, that so much of our own shit is just self-inflicted. it’s in our heads.
ironic, isn’t it.
my point is my roadblock
is my doing and un-doing.
i’m going to pack it up, find a snack, maybe take a nap in my car, try this again in an hour somewhere else. it sucks to be so dependent on needing electricity – so probably not going to end up at montrose beach – but i’ll find a quiet corner somewhere and keep on truckin.
Web Exclusive Multi colour Skull Friendship Bracelet
i would never spend $250 on any one piece of jewelry, but i really like this
put your iTunes on shuffle.
1. overall theme of the apocalypse
i want you / kings of leon
2. song playing when you kill your first zombie
three little birds / bob marley and the wailers
3. as you get chased by a horde
dirt in the ground / tom waits
4. when you have to kill your loved one
insulin / chadwick stokes
5. when you find a group of survivors
suite for cello #3 in C major / yo-yo ma
6. when you meet a new love interest
life on mars? / seu jorge
7. when you have to make a final stand
big black hole & the little baby star / sean hayes
8. when you think you’ve survived it all
homeward, these shoes / iron & wine
9. when you discover a bite mark on you
pick a fight / danny and the ketchups
10. song playing over the end credits
ingots / kaki king
here’s today’s feeling.
facing some realities.
moving out of my apartment.
looking for a job.
et cetera.
i think he’s a keeper.
so we grew up with neighbors who are undeniably greek – and love it, and keep it a part of their family… whereas we are vaguely italian and not sure where in eastern europe we come from. so for me, going greek is always an adventure.
first sign of greek easter: lambs roasting on spits
what’s up, kids table
me and kyle
will and chris, two of the best greek fellas around
(and whose family invited me, my parents, and kyle)
will is about 2.5 months younger than me, and our whole lives i’ve thought he was movie star handsome
we ate lamb, cheese, more cheese, other kids of meat, pastries, and hard-boiled eggs dyed red for the blood of Christ – they have a game where you tap the head-to-butt of your egg to the person next to you, then the winner (the egg that doesn’t crack) moves forward a round until you have a table winner.
after a delicious meal and the egg game, we had spent the better part of the day together… full bellies and good company make for great afternoon naps. yay Jesus! haha
that iron stuff i’m always whining about?
this is what it looks like.
IV and iPod for an hour.
uncomfortable, but not painful.
and in this case, accompanied by daffy duck cartoons.
i’ve been following the path of the MOTH for a few months after my sister introduced me to it.
The Moth is an acclaimed not-for-profit organization dedicated to the art and craft of storytelling. It is a celebration of both the raconteur, who breathes fire into true tales of ordinary life, and the storytelling novice, who has lived through something extraordinary and yearns to share it. At the center of each performance is, of course, the story – and The Moth’s directors work with each storyteller to find, shape and present it.
Moth shows are renowned for the great range of human experience they showcase. Each show starts with a theme, and the storytellers explore it, often in unexpected ways. Since each story is true and every voice authentic, the shows dance between documentary and theater, creating a unique, intimate, and often enlightening experience for the audience.
it’s like crack for people in my profession, people who turn brands into stories and do it by listening to how people see themselves and the worlds around them.
this event needed some volunteers, and i have a habit of hand-raising, so here we are at the natural history museum in chicago after i worked at the front door checking people in from willcall.
peter gallagher hosted and MC’ed
judy gold is a famous stand-up comic; we hung out for a minute after the show and she was extremely gracious. she told a story about her kids’ coming of age in a jewish household with two mothers (which ended up being four mothers after she and her partner split and the kids had their respective bar mitzvahs)
walter mosley writes fiction, nonfiction, science fiction, political satire, and young adult novels, he talked about changes he’s witnessed in racism and manhood.
cindy chupack writes for “sex and the city” and talked about an ex-boyfriend and his coming out while they were living together as a couple
joey kemmerling is a 16 year old who talked about his journey being openly gay in high school and going on to found The Equality Project
and lastly, tim king is the founder of Urban Prep Academy. he talked about attaining a 100% acceptance rate for every young african-american male that attends Urban Prep schools around chicago he’s been hailed by bill clinton and oprah, and has been named Chicagoan of the Year by Chicago Magazine.
afterwards we had a cocktail reception in the upstairs of the museum
and i stalked peter gallagher a little. nothing embarrassing. just one photo and about three minutes trying to think of something to strike up a conversation over – couldn’t think of anything but he made sure to say goodnight to all the volunteers! total class act.
one of the tastiest parts of my sister getting married…
gather up a couple girlfriends and try some cake!
every saturday should start this way.
